Brass Monkey

December 22, 2022 – Diamond Valley, Alberta

“Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey.”

It was -37C (-35F) when I drove through the Sheep River valley this morning.  I don’t know what temperature causes a brass monkey’s testicles to freeze off, but I assume we are well below that mark.

When I retreated to the safety of my lazy chair and the fireplace later, I did some research on monkey emasculation temperature.  It turns out, the origin of the phrase has nothing to do with primates.

The colloquialism originated during the Napoleonic Wars. Gunships at the time, carried cannon balls aligned in a pyramid, on an indented tray called a “monkey”.  The tray was made of brass to keep the iron armaments from fusing to the bottom.  In cold weather the brass monkey would contract faster than the iron balls making the pile unstable.  In extreme cold, the balls could fall off the monkey and roll around on the ship’s deck.

I like the literal interpretation of the phrase better.  The idea that the temperature is currently cold enough to endanger a monkey’s junk seems logical to me.  

Whatever the origin, today is not a day to expose your … 

… brass monkey.