The Ex

August 28, 2022 – White Rock, BC

I visited an old friend (and the mother of two of my children) in hospital earlier today. Ivy is in a coma and not likely to recover. Being with someone you once shared a life with and coming to terms with the fact that her life may be over is a sobering experience. It made me appreciate things that often get overlooked. Like:

Taking a long walk on a long pier.

Reconnecting with ex-in-laws, making amends, and sharing common happy memories.

Looking for handouts in the park and being rewarded by chickadees tickling our fingers.

Saying some things that should have been said sooner.

Pouring oil on troubled waters.

Drinking hotel coffee from a paper cup and really, really enjoying it.

Feeling the quiet acceleration of an electric vehicle (which has nothing to do with the topic at hand, I just had to stick it in here somewhere).

Finding fun at a sad time.

Exploring that mysterious interlude between the present and the soon-to-be past.

Watching our children and their partners loving each other.

Finding the humour in a very unflattering family photograph.

And, coming to terms with a new definition of being …

… The Ex.

Pas de Deux

August 30, 2022 – Crimson Lake, Alberta

In ballet, a pas de deux [pɑ d(ə) dø] (French, literally “step of two”) is a dance duet in which two dancers, typically a male and a female, perform ballet choreography. – Wiktionary.

A lifetime of memories danced through my brain as I sat with Ivy for those few moments in hospital this week. The pain we put each other through as young adults never entered my thoughts. Instead, I recalled a long canoe trip in Quetico Wilderness, a concert she conducted on a piano in my garage, and two “rascally guys” we took turns raising.

Ivy and I had a two-year affectionate relationship, then five years of mutual disagreement (bordering on reciprocal repugnance), followed by thirty years of neutrality. The past few months, after Ivy was diagnosed needing a heart transplant, we interacted on a maturity-induced, respectful basis, then this. We never really reconciled, but we came close.

Ivy and I were a convoluted match, but there was a time when we had as much fun as it is possible for one artist and one square to experience. And we raised two fine young men, despite our abundant shortcomings.

Ivy died today. Adam and Bianca, Aaron and Emma were close by, her mother and sister had said their goodbyes. I have no idea where she is now, but I imagine there is a song and a piano involved.

I have no regrets; I hope Ivy doesn’t. We did the best we could in life’s ballet, our brief …

… Pas de Deux