September 3, 1969
Provincial Courthouse – Arcola, Saskatchewan
Clerk: “All Rise.”
Judge Goodwin enters the courtroom.
Judge: “Good morning all, please be seated. The Court of Queen’s Bench, Saskatchewan is now in session – will the Clerk please read the first charge?”
The Court Clerk rises and faces the Bench.
Clerk: “On the second day of June 1969 the defendant, Mr. Charles Hathaway, was apprehended while urinating, in full view of the public, on Highway 9 three miles north of Carlyle. The charge is indecent exposure”.
Judge: “Charlie, good to see you again, what have you been up to this time?”
Charlie: “Mornin’ Judge”. “I don’t think I should be here – when you gotta go, you gotta go.”
Judge: “Maybe so, but you don’t “gotta go” where everybody can see you.”
Charlie: “I was down in the ditch – they would need damn good eyes to see a little fella like that”.
Judge: “So, Charlie, are you pleading Guilty or Not Guilty?”
Charlie: “Aw shit, Anyway!…….I had a few beers at Ted’s, and I couldn’t a made it home, so I hung a rat in the ditch. What’s the big deal?”
Judge: “The ‘big deal’ is everybody passing by could see you.”
Charlie: “I don’t think nobody saw nothin’.”
Judge: “Constable Leblanc says here in his report that he did. He said you were staggering around in the ditch with your pecker in your hand. So, what is it going to be – Guilty or Not Guilty?”
Charlie: Aw shit, Anyway! Guilty I guess, but Hardy must have real good eyes if he could see Mr. Johnson from way up there on the road.
Judge: “Ok Charlie, you have pleaded guilty to the charge of indecent exposure. The fine is $40, and time served.”
Judge Goodwin banged his gavel on the desk.
Charlie: “Hey Judge.” “I am gonna give you $50.”
Judge: “The fine is $40 Charlie.”
Charlie: “I’m gonna give you an extra $10 – I farted too!”
This is one in a series of stories entitled Tales from Dead Ted’s, a chronicle of fictional events with just a kernel of truth in each. The events could have occurred in and around Arcola in the 1960s and 1970s. Click on the link below for more stories about growing up on the Canadian prairie.
https://wellwaterblog.ca/category/tales-from-dead-teds/
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